Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
