Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
