i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
