nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
