I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
