you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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