Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
