dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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