Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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