I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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