omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
