She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
