I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
