I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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