Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize