hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
