Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
