All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
