All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
