Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think my mom watched the whole time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
