she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
