Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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