No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
