Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
