I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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