hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
