It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
