I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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