We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
