You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize