i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
