It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
