I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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