my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
