I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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