fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
