My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
