Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
