and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
