Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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