i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
love makes seman taste better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
