Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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