He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
