thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
