I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Say something about gay babies.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
