I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
