Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
