my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
