And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize