Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
