I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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