I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
