it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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