I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
