I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
