I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
