My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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