I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
