Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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