The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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