We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
