I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
