God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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