do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
