Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
